I have posted here a couple of times....I have also been posting on LNusa for a couple of months. I have made some very good freinds there and I am happy about that!! BUT I am seriously in need of help and I don't know what to do, where to turn?? I feel like I am lost in the middle of the ocean .... no one around me to help.
I am 25 years old.. and I am very very ill... I do not know WHY I am this way or WHY I am not getting better... but I do know that I am VERY scared for my life.
I was a normal, healthy and very active person before the birth of my daughter. I was never an ill child or rarely ever sick as an adult. I am a mess... I am at a loss and I sometimes feel like it would be easier to just jump off of the bridge. I know that sounds crazy but I am desperate for answers and desperate for my life back... a life that was stolen from me overnight.
I became pregnant with my daughter in 2006. I immediatley got very sick when I became pregnant and it was just blamed on hormones, but I had had a child before and never went through this. My pregnancy was miserable, and very scary to say the least. I knew something was not quite right with me but didnt know what it was. By the 3rd trimester of my pregnancy I was bedridden with so mnay symptoms, it was absolutely the scariest time of my life. My heart was racing 24/7 and I was hospitilized many times, I could barely walk and had the most severe stabiing headaches... among other things...
ANyway to make a very long story short when I gave birth EVERYTHING got worse immediatley and I have
never been the same since... I have been so sick to the pint of bedridden and unable to function at all. SOme days I need to be walked to the bathroom becasue I cannot walk myself, I have over 50 symtpoms and they are so scary. ALl I did was have a baby... how could this happen??
I have been to MANY doctors, many ER's, Many specialits, but all the time too sick to even go to a doctor... thats how bad I have been since giving birth. I mean seriously over 50 symptoms that will not leave me since over a year ago. I am so scared I will not be here for my children, and my life is over.
I have had every dx in the book, but all the while still no one knew what was wrong. I started researching when I could and came up with lyme, as it seemed the only real thing that fit all my symptoms and I am pretty sure I had all but 2 on the list :O
I had a positive WB in May 2008 after almost killing myself on the Marshall Protocol because I thought it was going to be my saving grace.... I was despersate for answers and desperate to get my life back. I tried all kinds of treatment.. and I didnt even know WHAT I was treating. Now I have this positive IgG wb for bands 18+ 28+ 31++ 41++ 45++ 34IND 39IND
I have been on abx since May, and although I am NOT completely bedridden anymore... ISTILL cannot function and STILL am very sick and deal with all those symptoms on a daily basis. I can't do anything, my life has been taken away and I am 25 years old.
I am ANGRY that I wanted my daughter more than anything and I have never had a day of being able to enjoy here or take care of her. I cant take her for walks outside, or mommy play dates... I get to watch her grow from my bed, its just not fair and I cant take it anymore.
This message is a plea... a plea that I have been putting out there for months.... I dont know what is wrong with me and why i am so sick... I dont want to die, but I feel it everyday, I feel my time here is limited and it scares the shit out of me... I just want to be here for my kids. I just want to live, I just want my life back.
How can someone get this sick from having a baby... it doesnt make ANY sence??? NO one knows the answers... do you know how scary that is?? No one can tell me what is wrong, or how this happened... WHY??
All I did was have a baby.... ALL I did was have a baby.... This will never make sense to me, and while I am sitting here wasting away.... ALl these doctors are going on with their lives and home to their families while my family is struggling to keep me alive...struggling to know what happened to their Shandy.
I am nothing of the person I was. I was an adventurous person, I was involved in so many activites, always on the go , a dreamer, a go getter, A person people loved being around..... I am nothing now. I am a blob of wasted life in bed or on the couch wishing for a life I used to live. Praying everyday and not being heard. Screaming in fear, anger, and despair.
The money that has been wasted, the tears my family has cried over this... What the hell is going on??? WHy can no one figure out WHAT is wrong with me?? Why am I not seeing ANY improvemnt over something that started over a year ago??
Can someone PLEASE PLEASE help me Or GUIDE me.. please... I am begging for help .. I dont know where else to turn anymore...